I Wasn’t Expecting This
Okay, full disclosure. I pretty much spend all day, every day feeling hungry.
And even a little empty.
And it’s bloody awesome. I keep saying this, but it is so true: prior to this 8 Weeks program, I spent far too much time feeling full…and bloated…and guilty…and chasing what I thought was hunger with more food, and then feeling worse, but mistaking that feeling for hunger, and then chasing that with even more food…
It was a cycle, it was habitual, and even though I thought was soothing, it wasn’t, and I didn’t realize until very recently, that it was making me feel so awful.
Okay, don’t get me wrong, I am not preaching, and I’m not a poster child for self restraint and healthy eating. Heck, I’m not even very good at refraining from snacks (and I think I’ve even found a few cheats…) but I am very proud of what I’ve done in the last 6 weeks, despite a few restaurant visits that were frankly embarrassing (I’m talking about a Lone Star Fajita Fest, a Swiss Chalet Gorge-A-Thon, and the Chinese Food Gluttony of last weekend). However, as I said, I’ve reduced snacking to a minimum, and that’s the lead in this story.
Honestly, I really didn’t think I’d be able to do this, and there were times in the beginning (and this afternoon when I really wanted a donut) when I really regretted it, but now that I’m here, and it’s so close to the end, I feel amazing. Like I said last week, I’m not near the end though. I’m at the beginning of what I think (hope) will be some lifelong better eating habits.
Here’s the State of the Union:
- My weight is down 6 pounds
- I’m riding often.
- I’m riding hard and fast.
- I feel like I’m in mid-summer condition
- My legs are strong and tight, my face looks thinner, and I feel better in my clothes
- I’m trying to get limber, and strong, and work out–with varying results
It’s as simple as that.
And here’s the crazy thing. I keep the temptations close at hand. There is a box of smarties in my office at my school, in a candy jar beside the sink, and I see it each time I wash my hands (which is often because I like clean hands), but it’s no longer a temptation. I went to a funeral on the weekend, and I love funeral, especially funeral desserts (don’t judge, we’ve all got our thing). But I refrained. Sure, I had 8 egg salad quarter sandwiches, but no dessert.
Oh dang, funeral dessert.Every time I see a snack, I refrain, and every time I refrain, I know I’ve got self control. One of my students had a bad experience last week, so I took my class to Tim Horton’s for a hot chocolate and a box of Timbits. I poured 29 steaming cups of chocolaty good awesomeness for my kids, and held a box of 50 Timbits for them, and didn’t have a single sip, or even a Timbit. It was tempting, but not really. However, then it got really hard. I loooooove the honey dipped ones, and apparently, 15 year olds hate them. So, at the end, there were 10 of them leftover. I held the box in my hands, drooling…yearning to for them…wanting to devour them, one by delicious one…
But I didn’t. I had a regular coffee, and enjoyed it.
It got worse in the afternoon. I didn’t have time for lunch during my lunch period, so I was hungry going into my last classes, and then Satan himself came to my period three class with a large poutine. Ack, my Achilles heel! I think I may have actually screamed that. It was embarrassing, especially since I WAS ACTUALLY DROOLING as I stood above him, watching him and his adolescent metabolism pound forkful after forkful.
He even offered to share with me.
It almost makes me cry thinking about it, and I am not exaggerating.
But I didn’t succumb.
Because it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth the fat content, or the calorie intake, or the salty awesomess that I knew I’d keep craving if I had a bite (or 7).
It wasn’t worth a moment of “Ahhhhh, that tastes so damn good” and then feeling bloated and greasy, and having to retrain my body–again. I’m tempted constantly, but I’ve realized that the temptation isn’t long lived. When I don’t have a treat, I’m not missing out on anything. I mean, there’s no deficit that I’ll have to feed later. Nope. Each time I refrain from succumbing, it’s a new victory, and each victory gives me more confidence and better eating habits.
Okay, so I feel so hokey, and high and mighty now, but I don’t want to go back and edit too much of the heart of this post. I spent a heck of a lot of time in the last 6 weeks beating myself up. I’m feeling pretty confident after week 6, and I want to savour it for a bit.
Savour it like a gooey, greasy, mouthful of french fries smothered in equal parts cheese curds and gravy…
It’s 2 weeks until the Big Show, and Team Colin is more and more ready with each passing day. I don’ t know if my side gut flap will be gone by the time I officially don my race kit, but at least it won’t be filled with poutine.
- Weekly sticker tally: 4
- Joyride x 2 (plus a 45k gravel rip)
- Nightly core + morning smoothie/vitamins: 7
NOTE: a donut ate my sticker on Wednesday, and on the other two days, I didn’t snack, but had too much for dinner to justify a sticker. Not bad.